Welcome to Healing Wives, the only known online resource for wives, ex-wives, and girlfriends of sex offenders.
Since my husband was arrested in January 2000, I have spent hundreds of hours searching the Internet for resources to help me deal with the traumatic events since he was charged with molesting our neighbor. Although statistics show that at least 75% of child molesters are currently married or divorced, there are very few resources written specifically for the spouses of such offenders. Why?
One reason is that women feel too ashamed or embarrassed to seek out help. The stigma attached to my husband's crime, as well as fear of retribution against him, has led me to live a secret life that few people know about. Another reason is that people generally have no sympathy for partners of molesters because they incorrectly assume the woman must have known what was going on and failed to protect the child. It is often thought that a woman will have to choose between her husband or her children. What about women who choose both? It is possible to support your husband through recovery while supporting your children through their healing. Even women who decide to leave their husbands will always be the ex-wife of a child molester. Women need guidance to help them through this legal and emotional battle. The shock, anger, betrayal, isolation, and feelings of disgust are hard enough to deal with but then we are faced with unfamiliar experiences involving legal hearings, the media, lawyers, and child protective services. It's an emotional roller coaster that no one should have to ride alone.
Fortunately, I now know that I am not alone. In the past year, I have met several other women online who understand what I'm going through. The details of our situations vary greatly. Some of us have husbands at home, some are in prison. Some of us are married, some are not. Some of us have children, and some of us don't. The common bond between us is that we all have partners who are attracted to minors. We find comfort in each other's support for our healing, just as the men we love need our support in their recovery.
This website is a collection of all the resources I have found to date. One of the first resources I recommend is To the Family Member or Friend of a Sex Offender. My hope is that Healing Wives will provide comfort and support to all women who may otherwise feel they're alone in this difficult situation. Please contact me if you are interested in corresponding with other Healing Wives.
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Healing Wives ©2002 Jasmine Black